Why my marriage comes first

Please don’t get me wrong children are very special.  My husband and I have four great kids and we have lived our lives around raising them into respectful, responsible and happy adults.  Almost everything we have done has revolved around our children and providing them with the very best we can give them.  We love them with all our heart and would do anything to see them happy.  When you put your spouse first it has nothing to do with not loving or caring for your children but it does have everything to do with forming a secure foundation of love and happiness; leaving the children feeling safe and secure.  It also sets a great example for the children’s future relationships.  What father or mother wouldn’t want to see their child in a happy marriage where they come before anyone else?  After all the bible states that God comes first, then your spouse, then your children and then the rest of your family.  So I would say that is a pretty good reason to put your spouse before your children.

Here are some reasons why I put my marriage First:

We chose each other

Your spouse is the only family member that you get to choose to be in your family and you have to keep choosing them every day.  My husband and I vowed and made a promise to love and take care of each other until the day we die.  Our children are a byproduct of that love; we get to raise and encompass them in that love.  We are here to show them what a happy marriage looks like so they can go into the world and hopefully pick a partner that will love, honor and cherish them.  We have to remember that we do not own our children; they are only lent to us for a short time.  The purpose of being a parent is to guide them, set good examples for them and to raise them to be wonderful adults.  Then our children in turn need to do the same thing; this is what makes the world go round.  Often many parents; especially mothers are so involved with our new little bundles of joy that we forget or neglect our marriage.  I can say I am also guilty of this especially after each of the kids were born.  It’s easy to get consumed with our babies; after all we need to feed them every 3-4 hours, make sure they have a clean diaper and are bathed; we are their world at that point in time.  It can be an overwhelming job and very easy to forget about your husband but it is important to let your spouse know that they are important and this phase will pass quickly.  Once your little one can start having a life of their own (playdates, sleepovers, school, etc.) let them start having their own life.  I know that it can be difficult to let your child go but it is so important so you can do things as a couple, this will keep your marriage strong, happy and long lasting!

Setting a good example for your children

If you put your children before your marriage you are showing them that marriage is not your top priority.  For me, I love my children so much and I want to see them happy whatever they do so it is important to set a good example for them.  Showing them that I love their father so much and would do anything to make him happy and he would do the same for me is a great gift to our kids.  It is showing them not to expect anything less form the partner they choose.  I would be thrilled if each of my children were in a marriage where they knew they were special, appreciated and loved.  Also it is not healthy to make your child the center of the universe.  The children who think that the world revolves around them often go out into the real world and have a hard time and have an unrealistic view of the world.  When you put your spouse first it does not reduce the love you have for your children it enhances it as long as they feel loved as well.

We are supposed to be happy

I have a wonderful husband who is smart, funny, loving, a good provider, good husband, great father; the list could go on and on.  We are very close, we share inside jokes and intimate secrets that no one else on earth knows.  We have built a great life together. Yes, our children are part of that life but they are not at the center of our relationship.  If I did not put my husband first and he did not do the same, I probably wouldn’t have the wonderful fun loving life I have.  Our purpose is to make each other feel happy; that is not our children’s purpose.  So many parents think their children are here to make them feel happy; honestly I think that is way too much pressure to put on our kids.  Our children are meant to have parents who love and care for them and then grow up and have their own lives.  When couples live a child-centric life they lose touch with each other and when the children grow up and move out there is nothing left of the couple.  This is why so many empty nesters often end up getting divorced.  I don’t know about you but I would rather live a happy life with my spouse putting them first for the rest of my life.  That sounds better to me than wasting time spending any portion of my life unhappy.

As a parent and a spouse it can be difficult and we get sent mixed messages; it’s tragic but it’s true we have so many “Mommy Shamers” out there that we feel inadequate if the world does not revolve around our children.  You can also sometimes be viewed as being selfish if you don’t put all your needs behind the children’s needs but, believe me it is not going to hurt your child to realize they are not the center of your universe.  It will only help them to practice patience and compassion for others; believe me the world needs more of that these days!   As parents it is our responsibility to raise caring respectful human beings and by showing them first-hand what that looks like through a happy loving marriage is the best gift we can give our children.